I am currently purging myself by doing one of the worst jobs in the world. The job I’m doing has a reputation somewhere bellow that of crooks, lawyers and politicians (is there much of a difference) and child molesters. I’m selling cars.
One of my coworkers is a prototypical used car sales person. He has absolutely no scruples. He is proud of saying, “I put Vaseline up his a***h*** and reamed him,” referring to a customer who complained about a used car with faulty breaks…
Coincidentally he treats the rest of us (his coworkers) in the same manner. I am using this time in my life to learn humility and spirituality so am letting him abuse me more than others are. I know, I’ll not be in this job for long but after this job any job will be wonderful.
Still there is a balance between acceptance and forgiving and allowing yourself to be abused.
Because I’ll not be at this job for long I’m not bothering with this coworker. However, it does give me the reason to write about acceptance.
A book I’m reading says this about acceptance:
Acceptance is not approval, consent, permission, authorization,sanction… or even liking what is…
Acceptance is saying, “It is what it is, and what it is is what is.”
In fact in a paradoxical way the best way to change what is, is through acceptance of whatever is. It is through true acceptance that change happens. I still don’t know how you can simultaneously forgive, accept ans resist. A year ago I was given the opportunity to do the above and I did not succeed in the right balance between the three. I ended up not forgiving and I suffered a huge amount.
For me of course it was more than not forgiving soon enough. It was a matter of going against my own principles of forgiveness being the most important aspect of acceptance and change. It is still a bit difficult to stand up for your own rights while forgiving and accepting.
As soon as I get a handle on this issue (or have more questions) I’ll write more…
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The first habit in Steven Covey’s seminal self improvement book, The seven habits of highly successful people is called, “First things first.” He talks about doing the most important things first and brings important things like family, health etc into it (if I remember correctly).
The other night I arrived home quite tired and I went to visit a neighbor who’s husband is in the hospital to esquire how he is doing. I felt quite tired and it would have been easy to make an excuse and not go and visit my friend who did need a stranger to talk to.
It felt good to make a fellow human being feel better.
The fact that the couple in question are about twenty years older than me helped make it much easier for me as in my native culture we respect our elders…
Two weeks earlier I did something similar for another elderly neighbor. Again, I was exceedingly tired (and this feisty eight four year old lady loves to talk) but I willed myself to do the right thing. She went on and on. I was tired, but it did feel good to be kind, to be generous with my time.
In order to understand what are the important things in life you need to do a thought experiment. Imagine you are on your dying bed and think what regrets you have. As far as I know no one complains on death bed that he/she did not spend more time being selfish and unkind. No one regrets no having got one over more people. No one says, “I wish I had bought more toys.”
People do regret not having spent more time with loved ones. People wish they had been kinder, more compassionate, wiser.
They wish they had been more gentle, appreciated the simple joys of life – sunsets, a smile, rain drops, the list is endless…
So next time you want to do something put your best foot forward – be kind, gentle, appreciative, compassionate and joyful.
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You have heard that we should eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and supper like a pauper. You may have also have heard that eating low glycemic index meals and snacks control your blood sugar level – keeping it even and balanced – hence helping you manage your weight and stay healthy.
I want to explain here what glycemic index is:
Glycemic index is an indication of how fast the carbohydrates in a food get absorbed into the blood as glucose. The higher the glycemic index the faster your blood glucose levels go up. When your blood glucose levels go up too quickly this messes up your blood insulin levels and will make you gain weight as well as damaging your health in many different ways.
A Glycemic index of one hundred means your blood glucose levels increase as though you had eaten pure glucose. Now, when you read a list of glycemic index for different foods they are calculated by giving a single food to a group of people and measuring their blood glucose levels at intervals. However, when you eat a meal the total combined glycemic index depends on how you eat the food.
So if you start the meal with the lowest glycemic index foods (proteins and fats) and then eat the carbohydrates you will effectively end up with a more even blood sugar level than if you start with the carbs first. Again, this (glycemic index) is why all calories are not the same.
Before, I go back to the idea of breakfast I wish to add that if you eat slowly, in effect your meal ends up being of a lower glycemic index than if you eat exactly the same meal faster.
Now to the breakfast. By eating a breakfast of plenty of low glycemic index foods (good lean proteins and green vegetables) as well as complex carbohydrates (whole grains) you will end up nourishing yourself for the rest of the day. You will feel satisfied and be less likely to overdo the other meals. This way you can manage your weight much better.
Remember moreover to use the same low glucemic index principle for your other meals and snacks as well. Finally eating slowly is one of the best ways to control your blood sugar levels and hence lose weight.
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There are times when you may feel down with or without a reason. At such times you can just accept the negative mood or you can do something about it.
When you feel depressed your whole body including your immune system is depressed and your muscles reflect your negative mood.
However, you can make your mood follow your body by adopting the physiology of relaxation and happiness:
- First thing to do is to take some deep breaths.
This will provide oxygen to your brain and relax you.
- Next hold your head high and put your shoulders out in a posture of confidence.
- Finally put on a huge big smile.
Act as if you are very happy and you will be happy.
As you change your physiology to one of happiness you can control your self talk to one of acceptance and confidence. The human brain can only keep one thought in the conscious mind at any one time. So by using a positive affirmation you get rid of negative self talk.
Some good affirmations to change your mood include:
- I like myself.
- I approve of myself.
- Life is wonderful.
- I enjoy life.
- Peace now.
- Relax.
- This too shall change.
Of course when you combine the two (smiling, holding your head high, and using your favorite positive affirmation you change your mood the fastest.
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I was reading a book on business. It is composed of twelve chapters. Each is an interview with a business leader or academic. The first chapter is about disappointment and how we deal with it.
Disappointments are facts of life. They are as common as birth, death and taxes. However, we never learn how to deal with disappointment. As children we fall down and are told, “Boys don’t cry.” Girls are told even more so not to feel their disappointments.
We are taught denial from early on. Especially in this country (USA) we are taught to have positive thinking. We have seen the Secret or heard of similar ideas. We know that we are on some level responsible for everything that happens to us. This can even lead to New Age Guilt. We are sick. We come down with cancer and we feel guilty because “we caused it because we were negative.”
Phooey (I was going to use a much stronger word but my boss may not like it) on that type of thought. I hope to God I never get cancer. But if I do, I’ll scream and grieve and do all sorts of things before accepting it.
Do not get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with positive thinking and having a great attitude. The point is that you need to acknowledge your disappointments first and then see what has to be learned and then how you can grow from the disappointments of life.
In the books they talked about how Winston Churchill’s disappointments in World War One (he was the First Lord of Admiralty) led to strengthening of his character and allowed him to become such a leader in World War Two.
People of character change disappointments into opportunities for growth. They allow time for grieving and then pick themselves up and move on learning the lessons and do not blame themselves or others.
Related Blogs
- Related Blogs on Change disappointments into opportunities for growth
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When you have a success it is important to acknowledge your victory.
Getting yourself a gift, symbolically ritualizes your accomplishment. The gift need not cost a lot.
When you buy yourself a gift, it is truly the thought that counts. Add a card and write the occasion of your achievement. Keep this card handy to remind you of your success.
And while you are about it remember to add each achievement to the list of your successes and do review and read that list often.
So whenever you have a victory large or small get yourself a gift and boost your self-esteem by celebrating the success. As you acknowledge your achievements, you’ll notice that you become more competent in whatever you do and you’ll get into a positive (virtuous) cycle of increasing your self-esteem giving you more victories which will give you more occasions to celebrate, give you more self confidence…
And so it goes…
And that’s the best way for it to go…
Up, up, and away…..
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It is impossible to feel depressed when one has the physiology of being happy. And the same is true that if you adopt the body language of depression you will feel depressed.
As we have stressed, want a happy mind/body/soul/spirit put on a happy face. In this case remember a time when you felt very confident, feel the feelings you had and take the posture you had when you felt very confident. Very soon your mood follows your body and you will be very confident.
When you feel and act confident and assume physiology of success, you’ll boost your self esteem and be able to reduce your stress level and get into a positive cycle (opposite of a vicious cycle).
You can practice changing your mood by changing your physiology and make it an automatically triggered event. When you practice this say a key phrase of your choice to yourself. Soon the phrase alone will trigger the change of posture and the feelings of confidence. The phrase may be something like “I am number one,” or “Self-esteem now,” or “Relax confidently.”
So when you may feel anxious, take a deep breath, stand up tall with head erect, say your key phrase affirmation and boost your self-esteem. Now put on a huge smile and feel even better. Game on, you are ready to face anything.
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There’s a teaching story about an island on which there were no mangoes. On day a cargo ship was thrown about on a storm. The ship went through the harsh ocean safely. However, a crate of mangoes fell into the ocean and landed on the island shore.
The islanders who had never seen any mangoes were curious and a group of their scientists examined some mangoes. They cut them up, dissected them, analyzed the mangoes and discovered facts, and facts and facts about the mangoes.
A second group looked at the mangoes. They noted their looks and painted them. Some of this group wrote beautiful poems about the mangoes. An yet a few others made sculptures of the mangoes large and small.
Finally a tiny group of the islanders first smelled the wonderful odor of the mangoes, then they felt the skin and decided that they were edible and finally bit into the mangoes and ate them.
In reality there is a little of each of the three above ways of understanding things in each of us:
- The scientific/analytical way.
- The artistic/romantic way.
- The third experiential way.
I’m not saying that the experiential way is always the best. In fact a little of all the three ways is needed for a complete understanding. It is just that most people use one of the first two ways and we do not typically “suck it and see.” We talk too much and do not use direct experience enough.
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In many languages the word breath and spirit are the same or have the same root. In Genesis the Creator gave breath spirit to the clay and gave life to humanity (Adam). We use the term inspiration (to breath in) because over the years people have learned the connection between the breath and the mind.
On a previous post we suggested you smile for no reason and explained the unity of the mind/body — body/mind.
One of the best ways of affecting one’s mood and one’s self esteem is through changing one’s physiology. For the next few posts we will write about other methods of boosting one’s self confidence and self-esteem through simple changes of one’s physiology:
Many meditations, hypnosis, relaxation and other forms of stress reduction begin with breathing deeply.
So next time you feel harried, stressed take ten deep breaths. This one method of stress management and mood elevation is cheap, quick and extremely effective. Moreover (so long as you do it slowly – you don’t want to hyperventilate) there are no nasty side effects (like drugs).
By taking deep breaths we increase blood oxygen and relax the mind/body. Breath in through the nose and hold your breath in as long as you can remain comfortable. Now exhale slowly through the mouth. If you are alone you can make a “Haaaaaa” sound as you breath out.
These ten deep breaths can prepare you for: mental activity; tackling a difficult inter-personal relationship; self-hypnosis; meditation; guided meditation/visualization; sports; sleep. The list is endless.
One of the times that this exercise is extremely useful is when you get angry. Just delay any action until you have taken your ten deep breath and you will discover that your anger has diminished or totally disappeared.
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Seventy percent of the earths surface as well as seventy percent of our bodies is water. We need hydration on the inside and outside. Both drinking enough water and washing our skins reduce the effects of stress on the body.
To hydrate your skin you can have a bath or shower. There is, however, a difference between taking a bath and showering.
Each have their wonderful relaxing effects. They are both great to reduce your stress.
When you soak in a bath, you relax your muscles and can rest allowing the water to soak away your concerns and troubles.
On the other hand, the shower may massage your muscles and refresh the pores of your skin. In the East they believe that running water is a source of vital biological energy (prana or chi).
As you take your shower, visualize receiving this vital energy and allowing all negativity to be washed away. If you want, sing, hum, whistle while you forget about all your daily concerns.
One good thing you can do is to change the shower temperature from hot to cold and back to hot. There are some showers which can do this automatically. Also other showers have different settings which massage you. But any running water is fantastic.
I suppose among other things showers remind us of our ancestors when they would shower under natural water falls.
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