Yesterday I wrote about developing discipline as part of responsibility. I also recently wrote that you get what you need.
So this morning I got what I need to learn that priorities and flexibility in discipline are extremely important aspects of responsibility.
My wonderful wife Dr. Elaine Kindle, the founder and director of Life Focus Center, is an adjunct professor at Alient University (California School of Professional Psychology) where she teaches CBT (cognitive Behavioral Therapy) to Ph.D. students on Thursdays.
Today is the first day of the new academic year and so things were not quite in schedule. I had to rewrite my resume first thing as I had said that I would send it to a head hunter this morning. After I emailed my latest resume I noticed it was seven a.m. and I had the choice of cooking breakfast or moving the twelve stones as suggested in the current discipline exercise I’m doing.
This is where knowing your priorities and being flexible is very important. Obviously cooking breakfast was more important than moving the stones even though I had given my word to myself that I would do this practice at exactly 7:01 a.m. for seven days.
The choice was to be inflexible and do what was less important or give up on the discipline and restart tomorrow. That is the way we normally process the world as an either/or situation. However, a better way of looking at the universe is as an and situation. I decided that I could dp the exercise a little later and it was still within the spirit of keeping my word to myself and remaining responsible. So after doing all I had to do I moved the stones and as far as I’m concerned that’s all that matters.
Also it’s important to think of any challenge as an opportunity to learn. Ask good questions like, “How can I be flexible and make the best of this situation? How can see the opportunities in this situation?”
So remember:
Knowing your priorities and being flexible allows you to be true to your word and practice discipline while remaining responsible (response-able).
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Yesterday I mentioned that I started a new way of improving my discipline and will power through practice. The method comes from Stuart Wilde, a Western disseminator of Taoism, who is one of my many mentors. I have never met him but have some of his books and audios. Being true to your words is very important according to Wilde. It shows the universe that your word is your law.
In this method each morning at exactly one minute past seven you do something totally meaningless just because you said so. Stuart suggests that you move twelve stones from one side of your garden to another side one stone at a time, deliberately and intentionally. You do this as a sacrament. Once you have moved the twelve stones you move them back, one stone at a time, back to exactly where you got them.You do this for seven days running. If you miss one day you start again from day one.
If you do not have a garden you can decide to do something else like moving hundred books from the book shelf to another side of the room and then returning them to exactly where they were. You have to decide what you are going to do before you start the discipline.
This appears to be totally pointless and that is the whole point of the exercise. You are doing a meaningless task as a sacrament just because you said so and you willed it. This will improve your will power and responsibility through discipline.
This morning I woke up sneezing and not feeling well. At exactly one minute past seven I started to move the twelve stones one by one and then I returned them back to where they were. I had an attitude of gratitude and was smiling as I continued moving the stones. It may have been the cool outdoor air or my thankful attitude and praying, anyway, very soon I stopped sneezing and felt much better. I still have a slightly runny nose but I do feel much better. In fact when I first got up I nearly went back to bed but now I’m raring to go for the rest of the day.
Buy books by Stuart Wilde:
Affirmations
The Force
Miracles
‘Life Was Never Meant to Be a Struggle’
***
So decide to do something just because you want to improve you self discipline, will power and intention. Make your word a law unto yourself. Soon you’ll be used to the idea that what you say will manifest. This will also teach you that you need to proactively act in order to manifest your desires and achieve your goals.
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Continuing our series on responsibility we need to understand that it is not a matter of theory (knowing what to do) but actually getting down and doing the right thing. Remember responsibility we have defined as being able to take action and respond to whatever happens.
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I have not been writing as often as I wish since I’m taking an online class. I did write about taking breaks when studying so you can remember better. However, I noticed that very quickly I get so involved in the learning that I forget to take breaks. In fact writing an article here and there may have been a good way of taking breaks.
The point is that we all know a lot of better activities. We know that it is better to eat fruits and vegetables and complex carbohydrates, but often we may eat junk foods.
Many of us become self improvement junkies. Instead of taking one or two techniques and practicing them over and over again until they become second nature we read books, we go to seminars, we visit web sites, like this.
The best martial arts teachers teach one or two basic techniques and the students practice until perfect and only then do they teach the next thing.
The challenge in most people’s lives is not knowing what to do but taking action toward what you know is right. It is a matter of learning to be disciplined. In fact we can learn a huge amount from the way martial arts are taught.
I have started a new technique to improve my discipline. I will write about it when it works.
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I have been taking an online class and haven’t had much free time to write here. Anyway, since I’m learning new things and I have given a few seminars on learning and acing your exams, I like to take a little time off to write this and listen to my own advice.
Experiments on learning and memory have shown that we remember best whatever we learn in the beginning and end of a session. So if you have on hour to study. You are much better off to divide it into four quarters (each approximately fifteen minutes. They are approximate as you learn in chunks and cannot stop mid-paragraph or mid-topic. At end of each smaller learning period, take a short break (at least a minute long). Rest, stretch, take a deep breath, smile, laugh, or do something totally different and stress reducing.
Then you can go back to your studies or training. In this way you have four beginning and four ending great memory periods rather than one of each. Now, you may think that if four is good, perhaps eight is better. The problem is that it takes a little time to get back into learning mode.
Now different subjects may allow modification of the above technique. At times taking five. six breaks may be better and at others only two or three. The real point is to take a little time off. Rest, relax and learn more and remember better.
While I’m writing about learning it is important to understand that memory is state dependent. Thus if you study lying down (as I did when at university – no one told me how to do well at school) you’ll remember better lying down. If you will be examined at a desk, it is best to study at a desk. If you have access to the examination room and can study there you’ll do better.
Having a good luck charm that you always have with you while you learn and then at the exam will also allow you to remember better. Hence it becomes a good luck charm thanks to the way our brains work and we remember.
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An attitude of gratitude does us a whole world of wonder. When we appreciate our family, our friends, our pets, our goods, our country or anything else the object of our appreciation appreciates in value. There are so many wonders in this world to be thankful for. Do you realize that the average American today is much better off materially than the richest people in the world a hundred years ago? Just think of all the miracles around us. We have cars, computers, radios, televisions, phones and cell phones….
The list is endless. Some of these wonders were the stuff of science fiction less than thirty years ago. Others were unthinkable a hundred years ago. Appreciate these and also your mental, spiritual and health gifts. Concentrate on what is good and wonderful in your life and their value will increase and you will attract more of these gifts to you.
Above is the original post from ten eleven years ago. The other day I was walking and feeling a little down. I started being thankful for everything, the flowers in the garden I was passing, as well as the weeds in the next yard.
I was being very thankful for my smart phone and then I thought about the first computer I programmed in 1974. It was a mini computer the size of a large desk. I was working for NCR and so had a more powerful version I could use. I felt so lucky because it had 8K of core. It cost about $500,000. I knew I could never own a machine like that but thought I would be the happiest person in the universe if only I could have a computer like that all my own.
In 1978, I bought my first computer for my business. It had 64K of RAM. It cost $10,000 and we ran a small office with it. It had three terminals and three people would use it simultaneously. I suppose it was between 100 and a 1000 times more powerful than the machine I had programmed in 1974.
Today a $1.99 watch has much more computing power than either of those machines. And the computer I’m writing this on is about a million times more powerful than my first computer and cost less than $1000.
My thought went to cars and how things that were rare in 1972 when I bought my firs BMW are now common on ever car. I had a 2002 Tii and it had a fuel injector and four disc breaks. Now ever car I know of has injectors and most have four disc breaks as well as ABS, GPS, and all sorts of things you could not get on any car at any price thirty years ago.
I realized how lucky I was and continued being thankful. One of our cars has more than 200,000 miles on it and still goes well. Thirty years ago we had to exchange our cars when they had half that many miles on them.
The challenge is that we become used to things and people very quickly and need bigger fixes in order to remain satisfied. If we could only understand constantly that we are so lucky we would feel so much better.
In fact within ten minutes of giving thanks my depression had turned into elation. As I was playing the game of seeing how many things I could be thankful for it became easier and easier to have this wonderful attitude of gratitude.
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Learn ten new words and keep your brain young.
One of the most important indicators of a person’s success in business is the size of his/her vocabulary. It is very easy to increase one’s knowledge by learning new words. There are many books dedicated to this task. Looking through a dictionary or thesaurus can be great fun and enlightening. When you read a book or newspaper note the words you do not understand and look these up. Soon you’ll understand them in context.
As always be thankful and appreciate that we are the only species with a sophisticated language. It is true that some higher primates may be taught to use symbolic language but with a vocabulary of about 500. Most people fluent in English get by with a vocabulary of about 5,000 out of a possible 250,000 to 1,000,000 in English Language. Well educated erudite people need have a vocabulary of more than 15,000. It really does not matter where you are today. The point is you can have so much fun while improving your vocabulary and thus chances of success.
Merriam Webster website is a very useful resource for me to learn new words at. They have a word of the day and you can even subscribe to the service and get it in your email.
Remember that with your brain as all parts of your body it’s a matter or use it or lose it. Learning new words in your own or another language is a great way of keeping your brain young. If you learn even a single new word a day in another language you’ll be able to hold a conversation in that language in a short time.
Related Blogs
- Related Blogs on Learn ten new words
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I wrote the original post in 1999 or 2000 – I’ll add further comments at the end:
Start the letter with dear your name and then write underneath, “No matter what you do or have done you are lovable and I love you.” Then write every negative thing you may think about yourself and finally end the letter with I still love you very much and sign your name to the letter.
Once you can accept the two facts that you have some faults and you deserve unconditional love your self-esteem improves. Remember some of your criticisms may be deserved and most are not. We tend to be very critical of ourselves. The positive point is that no matter what we deserve to be appreciated and loved. Treat yourself as an ideal parent would treat her* child with total unconditional love.
Added 04/01/01: After completing the letter you may want to repeat these affirmations over and over again:
- “I approve of myself.”
- “I like myself.”
We recommend the repetition of this of the above powerful affirmations many times a day in your spare time.
Thus you are stuck behind a red light, in stead of getting frustrated use the time constructively: “I approve of myself.” Waiting for the computer to connect to Internet: “I approve of myself.” First thing in the morning you wake up: “I approve of myself.” Last thing at night: “I approve of myself.”
Added August 18, 2010:
The important thing is that we are all unconditionally lovable. You are lovable no matter what you do. Some of your actions may be suboptimal to the point of being foolish even. Accept that they are actions and the past is not an indicator of the future. You can change.
My real thought about this post is that after doing this you should write a letter twice as long reminding yourself of all the things you have done right. You can use list of your success to remind you of all the things you could put in this letter.
Again I emphasize that humility is the truth. So you should neither boast or blame yourself. The past is past and you can learn and improve life but no matter what you are lovable.
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This once more one of those old post I’m moving over from the 365 ways to boost your self esteem series. It teaches you to use an NLP (neurolinigustic programming) method to overcome negative emotions and fears. I used to be very afraid of injection needles (a minor phobia) but wanted to donate blood. I used this technique on myself and overcame my phobia. That was about eighteen years ago and I have donated more than sixty four pints (eight gallons) of blood since then…
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Recently a client, let’s call him Joe (name changed – story retold with permission) came to me extremely angered at the situation at work. He had been putting in more hours than most and was doing a very critical job for the company. He was singled out over a misunderstanding and was told off. Now I don’t know what actually went on at his work. What was important is that Joe felt slighted and hurt.
We first did a short hypnosis session called the safe space meditation. In this guided meditation, I induced a trance state and then took Joe his safe space which is a wondrous paradise of a garden in the mind’s eye. There are various areas within your safe space. Some of these are: self-esteem area; healing area; library; memory hall. In Joe’s case we concentrated on the self-esteem area. Under trance I reminded Joe about all the different successes he has had at work and at other areas of his life.
After giving Joe the needed ego strength and boosting his self-esteem by reminding him of his previous achievements we started the NLP intervention. In Joe’s case we went through the negative incident which was still bothering him. The first time he remembered the event exactly the way it was as vividly as possible. He remembered the event through his own eyes seeing what he saw, hearing what he heard and feeling what he had felt. Then we ran though the memory in reverse adding a little circus music in the background. Now we ran the memory in the forward direction making the participants a little ridiculous like adding Mickey Mouse ears to the boss who was telling Joe off. We kept running the memory back and forth making it more ridiculous each time until the memory no longer had any negative effect.
This method can be used with any negative memory including minor phobias. The method consists of remembering the event as well as you can and then running the memory backward and forward in time each time adding a visual or auditory element making the negative participants of the event more laughable until the negative feelings are gone. Next you check the memory by trying to remember it through your own eyes seeing what you saw, hearing what you heard. When you have done this exercise enough you cannot help but remember the event in the new laughable way and the negative emotions will have disappeared.
Please try this method of negating negative memories out with something small which is still bothering you. As you develop expertise in using this method you can use it to negate stronger negative memories.
You can also use this method in anticipation of a meeting which may induce fear and anxiety. If you are about to go for an interview or have to speak in front of a large audience you can imagine the audience being naked or wearing clown clothes or whatever makes them less daunting.
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Singing will improve your mood automatically and make you feel better. It is partially because of the way you have to breath when you sing, but there’s much more. William Shakespeare wrote in the twelfth night, “If music be the food of love then play on…”
But music and hence singing are more than just that. They are foods for the soul. They also makes us braver and forget our fears. That’s why armies used to march to music.
I remember when I was eight walking alone in the foothills above Tehran. I was miles away from anyone else in the family and the hill I was walking on overlooked the Evin prison (it existed under the Shah for political prisoners). Suddenly, noticing that I was totally alone near a prison where I knew people were being tortured I got scared.
We don’t have political prisons in the USA (at least not on the mainland) so most Americans may not appreciate how afraid I felt. Our land (hundreds of acres of desert) was the neighboring property to the Evin jail, and normally a few of us children would go to the top of the hill and look down onto the prison. Somehow it was fun to play around the prison whose name put the fear of SAVAK (the Shah’s secret police) into everyone’s heart, but this time I was alone. I cannot remember how come, perhaps we were playing hide and go seek and I staid from my sister’s and cousins.
I was scared, very scared and I started to run and sing. These two actions (moving faster and singing) calmed me and gave me courage. Soon I was happily signing and could descend the hill happy to be free…
Unfortunately most of us have been told that we cannot sing and or have great doubts about our own singing. This is where singing in the shower comes into its own:
Singing in the shower is great fun. It is great therapy as well. It is one place you do not have to have a good voice to belt it out. Coincidentally, the steam from the shower actually helps your voice sound better. Being able to sing without worrying about being on or off key helps to clear the emotions. Great arias, hip hop, reggae, oldies but goodies all have the same affect. Let yourself sing your heart out and have fun.
Of course having a long shower will reduce the effects of stress (as will the singing) and you’ll be ever so clean.
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Eating good nutritious foods is an important aspect of remaining healthy as is being satisfied and enjoying your food therefor compromise your food selection for health. One good way of doing that is by mixing foods that are tasty but not so healthy with those of opposite characteristics.
Thus my wife likes scrambled eggs cooked in butter. That combination is full of saturated fat as well as cholesterol. Olive oil and egg whites on the other hand are good for you – they are full of mono-unsaturated fats, protein and no cholesterol. So if you combine a little butter with olive oil the flavor of the butter comes through and the same is true if you use a mixture of eggs with egg white only.
Other food and health compromises:
- Reduce that portion size -you can still enjoy that favorite food while enjoying sharing it with a person you love or you can doggy bag it and eat it later.
- Slow down you are eating too fast – it takes twenty minutes for your brain to register that you are full. By eating slowly you will not over eat and your weight will go down. This eating slowly is a major part of the French paradox where the French eat foods full of cream, butter, cheese and yet remain at a decent weight and are healthy. The Europeans also traditionally have much smaller portion sizes. They also use smaller plates.
- Walk even a little each day.
- Force a smile if you do not feel happy – the smile will produce serotonin in your brain and make you happy.
- Do something each day to relax – if you cannot meditate for even five minutes you can at least reduce effects of stress by deep breathing.
- Instead of soda (sugared is bad, diet is even worse) drink water flavored with a slice of lemon, lime, or orange.
I’m sure you can come up with other compromises which will keep you healthy. Remember life is not an all or nothing affair and moderation will always help.
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