Accept setbacks and move on

There are times when you do your best and even so things do not go your way. There are times that you do your duty to your company and after thirty six years you are laid off because you have seniority and the company wants to retain the cheapest employees.

As the Buddha said life is suffering and the way to change life is to accept. I’m old enough to remember the Vietnam war. Those of us who said, "Let’s declare victory and go home were proved right." It is the same with our daily lives.

We do our best and that should be good enough. In reality it is not that easy. It should be good enough but most of us are not Zen masters. We need to grieve appropriately for our loss. We need to go through the full steps of the grieving process:

1. Shock – Immediately after a loos  it is difficult to accept the loss.  Denial – A feeling of unreality occurs.
2. Emotional Release – In this stage a grieving individuals may sleep badly and weep uncontrollably.
3. Panic – For some time a grieving person can feel in the grip of mental instability.  Physical symptoms also can appear — tightness in the throat, heaviness in the chest, an empty feeling in the stomach, tiredness and fatigue, headaches, migraine headaches, gastric and bowel upsets.
4. Guilt – At this stage an individual can begin to feel guilty about failures to do enough to stop the situation – guilt over what happened or what didn’t happen.
5. Hostility – Some individuals feel anger at the situation.
6. Inability to Resume Business-as-Usual Activities – the ability to concentrate on day-to-day activities may be severely limited. It is important to know and
   recognize that this is a normal phenomenon. A grieving person’s entire being – emotional, physical and spiritual, is focused on the loss that just occurred.
7. Reconciliation of Grief – balance in life returns little by little, much like healing from a severe physical wound.
8. Hope – the sharp, ever present pain of grief will lessen and hope for a continued, yet different life emerges.

Now the above stages of the grieving process (and it is a process so it takes time and you circle through the carious steps not as though you go through them one at a a time) came from the grieving for the loss of a loved one through death. But the process is basically similar for loss of a job, a divorce, a setback, major illness and any other significant loss.

The thing is to accept the grieving process and in time you will get to other side and can move on. A major aspect of the grieving process as far as I’m concerned is forgiveness. Step four was guilt for what we did not do and what we did do. In case of a job loss we may ask ourselves, "What could I have done differently?"

So it is important to do forgiveness exercises while grieving.

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