Forget? What does it mean when you forgive

Earlier I wrote that without forgetting there’s no forgiving. I mentioned that in reality it is impossible to forget anything once it enters your long term memory.

What happens is that you don’t remember things.

When you forgive, you tend not to remember the events that you forgave. However, there are times that you may remember the event.

What then?

And this is the test of true forgiveness:

If you can remember the event with no negative emotions, you know that the forgiving has been complete.

If there is a little resentment and negative emotion, you need a little more work to do – remember that forgiveness is a process – it is an ongoing effort.

At times you have forgiven and are clear of anger and resentment and another event happens (caused by someone totally different) but the type of event is similar and some of the resentment may come back.

For example about thirty years ago a business partner embezzled me. I have fully forgiven him and send him my love and blessing – although I do not have any desire to ever see him again (only because in reality I have moved on and have nothing in common with him). Anyway, recently I was scammed and lost some money. This loss of money could have reminded me of the previous one. In fact it didn’t and as a test I just remembered the events of thirty years ago and I had forg.

That’s forgetting

After you have forgiven.

There is another type of forgetting (not remembering) after trauma which is repression. You first need to remember the hurt fully before you can do any forgiving. I’ll write about repression later on.

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