How to stand for rights while forgiving

This post was written by DoctorJay on March 2, 2009
Posted Under: assertiveness,forgiveness

I’m in the middle of a dispute with an Internet company which has cost me plenty of time and money. At the same time I believe that it is important to forgive, release and move on.

Understand that you do not forgive for the other but for your yourself. As Jesus said in the Lord’s prayer, you forgive to be forgiven or in a modern psychological version you forgive others so that you may forgive yourself. We all know the number of times that we have failed ourselves.

We know the number of times that we have sined. OK, I use the word sin in the original Greek usage in the New Testament. Here the word which was translated into sin referred to an archery term which meant missing the mark. When you sinned, you didn’t hit the target. You did not get a bull’s eye, but perhaps you did quite well. Notive that Jesus said, “Go and sin no more,” meaning that you are OK – there’s nothing wrong with you – missing the mark is a basic part of human condition.

Unfortunately we are extremely harsh on ourselves and find it very difficult to forgive ourselves. So we can use the method of forgiving others who have harmed us, so we may forgive ourselves.

The question is how do we stand up for our own rights while forgiving the person who is perhaps still harming us. Last week, I had a major setback in a new venture thanks to the wrong guidence of the person I’m in dispute with. I took a class (which I used to think was alright until this setback caused by directly following his teachings).

So to say the least, I was a bit miffed. I felt even more betrayed. Not only had this person sold me a piece of junk with bad service, but the original class I had taken had missled me with wrong information costing me even more wasted time and money.

What to do?

I felt I should let potential future students know so they would not make the same mistake as I had made. At the same time….

Well, read this teaching story:

A samurai was fighting the enemy of his master. He won and was about to chop off the head of the enemy when the evil man spat into his face. The samurai stopped and placed his sword in his scabbord and left. His master’s enemy ran after him and said, “You were about to kill me and when I spat in your face yoy stoped. How come?”

The samurai replied, “I was fighting you for my master. You spat in my face and I became angry for one instance. I could not kill you out of my anger, out of my ego.”

At this the enemy fell down and became a student to the samurai and in turn became a great samurai himself serving the same mast….

That was my problem. At the same time as I wanted to save others from falling into the same trap as myself, I was not clear if it was just wanting to serve others or my own ego and anger (this was the fourth time I had too restart the same project thanks to this so called teacher).

A week has gone by and I still don’t have a good answer. How do you stand up for your rights while forgiving?

I’m still listening to my forgiveness CD and slowly getting over the issue. The challenge is that I’m in the middle of the whole thing. I’m waiting for my credit card company to decide to refund my money or not and then if they go against me I’ll have to decide to take this person to small claims court or not.

This whle thing reminds me of the favorite mantra of Ram Dass, “I don’t know.”

And I don’t….

Please leave comments.


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