Be true to your word

Assertiveness is not aggression

Assertiveness training used to be hot about thirty years ago and like other self help methods it has gone out of fashion. Therefore, many people imagine that being aggressive or manipulative is the same as being assertive.

In fact, when you are being assertive you respect your rights, and  do not allow others to manipulate you, without stepping over the rights of others or being manipulative.

When you are assertive you remain calm, collected, and cool without raising your voice or being angry, aggressive, or antisocial.

Integrity of the truth

A wonderful part of assertiveness (with your false self as well as others) is integrity. It means keeping your word. Having the courage of your convictions.

Thus when you are assertive you’ll not use the word “try.”

As the Yoda said, “Do or don’t do – no try.”

In the same way if someone asks you a favor or invites you answer yes or no but not I’ll try. It is OK to answer that you don’t know. For example we were asked to a party recently and I said I was ninety nine percent sure we could go but had to check with my wife first.

So if someone asks you for anything, be assertive, reply in the way you want to and then be true to your word. There are those rare occasions that something stops you from doing what you promised but when you practice integrity and truth, both you and others will trust your words and this will improve your self esteem.

Self esteem and the truth

Your self esteem is highly connected to to your integrity and being true to your word.

You may imagine you are fooling others, but it is impossible to fool yourself. Each time you make excuses, each time you lack integrity by saying one thing and acting in another way, you damage your self esteem.

You know the truth. You understand deep down what you are doing and not doing. You know when you are not being assertive and either allowing others take advantage of you or trying to take advantage of others through manipulation and aggressiveness.

Assertiveness and spirituality

When you are assertive and true to your word you learn that you are true to your internal words (prayers, meditation) too. You understand that your integrity is in front of the Spirit (God, Infinite Intelligence, Nature, The Self, or whatever name you use for the Ultimate Reality – your source of spirituality).

Because if you cannot fool yourself you know even more that you cannot fool the Spirit.

By being assertive and acting your truth, you improve your spirituality as well as your integrity, will power, and self esteem.

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I’ll write more about the details of how to be assertive and assertiveness training in a later post.

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