A Gymnast’s Mental Block
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Family
How to Cope with the Holidays
The holidays can indeed be a stressful time for many people. With all the shopping, cooking, baking, and family visits, it’s no wonder some people find it difficult to enjoy the season. Americans have come to expect increased stress during this holiday season; however, it is essential to remember the holidays and find ways to cope with the added stress. Here are some ways you can help protect your mental health this holiday season: Learning and Utilizing Mindfulness and Meditation Mindfulness and meditation are invaluable tools to help combat stress and center your mind in a busy time. Mindfulness is described as a psychological state of awareness and the associated practices which promote this awareness. Mindfulness can also be referred to as a mode of processing information. Mindfulness is an awareness of one’s experience moment-to-moment without judgment. Many activities, such as yoga, meditation, and breathing, can promote mindfulness. The importance of utilizing mindfulness in any action is to be aware of the experiences and sensations around you; this can help ground you and bring you to a calmer state. Setting Clear, Firm Boundaries Another helpful strategy to weather the holidays is setting limitations. While setting limits with loved ones and even ourselves can be challenging, it is critical to our well-being. The limits we develop can be called boundaries because they clearly define what we are willing to do and for how long. Clearly defining these limits can help ensure that we do not overwork ourselves and take care of ourselves. One of the main reasons why the holidays may bring more stress in our lives is the lack of boundaries or boundaries that need to be clearly defined. Boundaries ensure we avoid spending all our time, energy, and money taking care of everyone else and not considering our needs. Boundaries can also provide physical and emotional safety; this is particularly important when adult children come back to their parent’s houses for holidays and seem to settle back into patterns of family behaviors despite being grown and on their own. Social commitments, extra expenses, family gatherings, and all of this, being off your typical schedule or routine is expected during the holidays. Being unable to do it all, particularly during the holidays, contributes to higher levels of stress, guilt, and feelings of depression. Boundaries are an essential form of self-care, and while they may seem complicated and harsh at first, the more they are set, the easier it will be for everyone involved. Boundaries help to decrease conflicts and make misunderstandings less common. Some examples of healthy boundaries are: Skipping, leaving early, or taking your car to holiday parties. Only saying yes because you want to, not by obligation or urging of others. Ask guests to avoid discussing divisive topics such as religion or politics. Sticking closely to a budget Communicating needs and expectations Leaving work-related activities such as emails for work time, not during your time off. Getting More Fresh Air and Sunlight Increasing your exposure to fresh air and sunlight can positively impact your mental and physical well-being. Being outside in nature allows you to take a break from the stressors of daily life and provides you with a calming and peaceful environment. It is no secret that getting out into the fresh air and feeling the sun on your skin can allow for calm and relaxation. In addition, sunlight exposure also helps your body produce vitamin D. Vitamin D is essential for maintaining healthy bones and a robust immune system. This can help combat the effects of stress, which can lower the immune system. Furthermore, spending time in nature has been shown to improve mood, reduce anxiety, and boost happiness and well-being. Seeking out Therapy Seeking therapy can be helpful for individuals struggling with holiday stress. Therapy can be beneficial when experiencing holiday stress and in the time leading up to the holidays. It can provide a safe space to express emotions, offer coping strategies, help set boundaries, provide support, and address underlying issues. Therapy can help clients cope during the holidays by: Providing a safe space for individuals to express their emotions. The holidays tend to bring a lot of emotions, and it can be difficult to express these emotions appropriately. For many, the holidays bring attention to grief or loss, increasing the severity of emotions experienced. Therapy offers a safe and confidential space where clients can share their feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. Offering coping strategies: Therapists can provide their clients with coping strategies and tools to help manage varying levels of stress, anxiety, and depression that may surface during the holidays. Help setting boundaries: Therapists can help clients identify and set healthy boundaries with family members, friends, and colleagues. Setting boundaries can often be difficult, and emotions may come along with setting boundaries, especially with those we love and care for; therapists can help process these feelings and support you through the boundary-setting process. Providing support: The holidays can be a lonely time for some people. Therapy can offer clients emotional support and a sense of connection during what may be a difficult time to navigate. Addressing underlying issues: The holidays can be a trigger for individuals struggling with underlying mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Therapy can help clients address these issues head-on and develop a plan to manage them during the holidays. While the holidays can be a challenging time for many people, the strategies discussed can be utilized to help manage stress and protect mental health. Mindfulness, boundaries, fresh air, sunlight, and therapy are all practical tools that can help alleviate stress and promote a sense of well-being during the holiday season. By taking the time to implement these strategies and seek support when needed, navigating the holiday season can be done with greater ease and allow you to enjoy the season to the fullest. Remember to take care of yourself this holiday season! Learn More About Jessica Connect with Jessica
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Nurturing Resilience: A Therapist’s Perspective on Raising Daughters to Embrace Disapproval
As a mental health therapist, I’ve had the privilege of guiding individuals through the complex journey of self-discovery and emotional healing. One recurring theme that emerges, particularly among young women, is the struggle to navigate societal pressures and the fear of not being liked by others. Eleanor Roosevelt’s poignant advice to “raise daughters to be okay with people not liking them” resonates deeply within the realm of mental health, highlighting the importance of fostering resilience in the face of disapproval. In therapy sessions with adolescent girls and young women, I often witness the profound impact of societal expectations on their self-esteem and sense of worth. From a young age, girls are bombarded with messages dictating how they should look, act, and behave to be accepted by their peers and society at large. The fear of not meeting these unrealistic standards can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression. By incorporating Eleanor Roosevelt’s wisdom into therapeutic interventions, I strive to empower my clients to embrace their authentic selves and cultivate resilience in the face of judgment and rejection. Together, we explore the concept of self-worth and challenge the notion that it is contingent upon external validation. Through introspection and self-reflection, my clients learn to recognize their inherent value and worthiness, independent of others’ opinions. One of the most powerful tools in nurturing resilience is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to low self-esteem and fear of disapproval. Through CBT techniques such as cognitive restructuring, my clients learn to reframe their thoughts and beliefs about themselves, recognizing that their worth is not determined by the opinions of others. Mindfulness practices also play a crucial role in building resilience by helping individuals develop a non-judgmental awareness of their thoughts and emotions. By cultivating mindfulness skills, my clients learn to observe their inner experiences without attaching undue importance to external validation. This newfound sense of inner peace and acceptance enables them to navigate social interactions with greater confidence and authenticity. With two daughters of my own, I am very aware of the role that the home environment plays in their foundation, which is why I try to be very open and communicative with my client’s parents and caregivers. The goal is for parents to create a supportive environment at home that fosters resilience in their daughters. Together, we explore strategies for promoting open communication, fostering self-expression, and validating their daughters’ emotions and experiences. By nurturing a strong sense of belonging and acceptance within the family unit, we provide a solid foundation from which daughters can venture forth into the world with resilience and confidence. Eleanor Roosevelt’s timeless advice serves as a guiding light in both my work and in my home, reminding me of the importance of nurturing resilience in young women. By teaching our daughters to be okay with people not liking them, we equip them with the tools to navigate life’s challenges with courage, grace, and authenticity. Through therapy, mindfulness, and supportive relationships, we empower them to embrace their true selves and flourish, regardless of others’ opinions. Learn More ABout Colleen Connect with Colleen
Dolly and the Donuts
I was in graduate school at USC. Year one was over. I needed to work a full- time summer job, not just the part-time one I had in L.A. I got a job in a Casino dealing 21 in my old neighborhood in Reno, and fortunately, David and Dolly, friends who lived there, offered me to stay with them that summer. Within days, I noticed that David, a 6’ foot guy who dressed in worn jeans, boots, and a plaid shirt, loudly nagged Dolly on a daily basis to lose weight. Dolly was a 5’2”, plump red-head, with a gentle heart. I, also guilty of too many pounds, suggested we go to Weight Watchers together. First week, Dolly lost five pounds to my two. Good start, but not noticeable. Second week, she lost another five pounds. Third week, after her triple win, at 15 pounds less, she was starting to look good. By the fourth week, her transformation was amazing. She put on some makeup, shed her granny dress, and we went out to lunch to celebrate, testing our newly learned skills at choosing the right foods. The next morning, guess what happened… David brought home donuts: Irresistible fragrant donuts, with sugar and cinnamon, and chocolate. Lemon- filled donuts, raspberry- filled donuts. I love donuts. If I eat one, I will eat six. Dolly shared my passion. The fragrant smell got to us. We dove in. She more enthusiastically than I. It didn’t take long till she was right back where we started. I tucked that memory away, and slowly, as time went by and I, now graduated, worked with couples, saw the same behavior as David’s pop up on a regular basis. It looked something like this: nag, bully, intimidate the partner to change. When the partner finally starts to change, guess what? The nagger can’t handle it. That was perplexing to me at first. But it’s not really difficult to understand. After all, the dynamics between the two had shifted. Just like with David and Dolly. David knew how to handle Dolly. Overweight, she had lost a lot of her self-esteem, and gradually had settled into the role as a giving mother and wife. She dressed in a baggy grandma dress, no make-up, barely combed her hair. Cleaned her house, cooked the meals, dealt with the children, helped at Church. A model 50s housewife. But the 50s were long past. Thinner, she had more energy; she looked better, younger. She had changed out of her grandma dress, put on some makeup, combed her hair. Overweight she was no threat to David. She was compliant, lacking pride in herself. David didn’t need to worry that another guy might look at her. He was free to nag at her without fear of objection. David was threatened. The donuts were his weapon of “change-back-to-what-you-were so I can control you… So I can control my own insecurity.” I was stunned. And I did what I do when I observe life. I tucked the memory away in my brain for a later date. When I saw the pattern emerge over and again, with other couples, I understood that our desire for change also brings up fear that comes with that change. We who want the change, find ourselves unsettled with the new set of behaviors. We no longer know what to do, we no longer know how to feel secure in the situation. And so we need to undo the very change we have set out to get. This happens over and over, not just in couples, but in our own individual lives as well. As much as we are distressed by some circumstances, we don’t realize that we have adjusted to the very circumstances we don’t like, we have adapted to them, and change rocks that boat that has settled itself on bumpy, if not quite stormy, waters. Looking back, both David and Dolly didn’t know how to handle the change. He bought the donuts; she gobbled them up. Awareness of these dynamics are a major first step to change. Change takes time, but we adapt. Just think about the Pandemic. All of us were anxious, fearful, didn’t know what to do, didn’t know how to navigate life. And then we adjusted. Some more; some less. The Pandemic finally lifted enough, and many of us expressed reluctance to go back to our old way of doing things, including work, school, other interactive exchanges. We see we are adaptable to circumstances. We can make changes. They are uncomfortable, often fearful, but in the end, we find a way. Survival depends on it. And life is about more than survival. It is about mutual love, companionship, growth… Relationship changes take a while. We need to know that change is uncomfortable for us, even when it is seemingly, in the case of David and Dolly, for the better. And when we go with it, in the end, we grow from the experience. Even in the face of adversity, we adapt and grow. We improve our lives. We really don’t need to bring home the donuts…. We don’t need to gobble them up. Learn More About Dr. Kindle Connect with Dr. Kindle
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Adolescence Isn’t Easy
By Colleen Ohlman The World Health Organization (WHO) defines an adolescent as any person between the ages of 10 and 19. Adolescence is referred to as the period of transition between childhood and adulthood. If you are the parent of an adolescent, you may have already recognized some major changes going on with your child. Most of these changes are normal and a natural part of this transition from child to adult. However, there are some changes in behavior/thinking that might be a cause for concern and may need to be addressed. So how do you know if your child is experiencing “normal” symptoms or something more concerning? You know your child and if something just isn’t right, listen to your intuition. Chances are it may be right. If your child is grumpy, hormonal, moody or testing boundaries with you- that is probably normal. I have three teen children of my own and the power struggle is real! 🙂 However, if your child is showing signs of withdrawing, self-isolating, or major changes in behavior, sleeping or eating patterns, you should begin to pay extra attention to what’s going on and try to talk to them. Adolescents are experiencing what I refer to as a limbo period. Not a child, but not yet an adult. This can be an incredibly frustrating time of life for a person. They want to begin to express new ideas, thoughts and experiences but often won’t be taken seriously as they are “just a kid”. They are finding themselves, exploring their sexual identities, and making their way in a new social realm, all while their bodies are being flooded with hormones. This is not easy. As a youth specialist, I work primarily with adolescents and I can’t tell you how often I hear the phrase, “My parents don’t understand me”. They feel their thoughts and feelings are not validated. They feel misunderstood. They feel alone. These feelings can lead to distress. Try talking more openly to your child. Dig into those topics that are normally not discussed. They may think it’s “awkward” (a word I hear often) but it gets less uncomfortable the more you keep that dialogue going. Don’t just talk, listen. Be an active listener to your child. Let them know that you care about how they feel. Don’t assume they know as much. If he/she isn’t comfortable opening up to you and your gut is telling you that something isn’t right, it’s okay to reach out on their behalf. Be your child’s advocate. We are not less of a parent because our children prefer to talk to an objective person. It makes us better parents for getting them the help they need and deserve. I’m here to help if you feel your adolescent can benefit from talking to someone. I’m also here if you, as a parent, would like to discuss how to better navigate the world of parenting. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, life changes, fears, social interaction struggles, parenting skills, self-harm, eating issues, or suicidal ideation. Please call Life Focus Center and ask for Colleen 626-330-7990
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