Trauma

Adult warning. Nineteen year-old Jane was raped repeatedly by a stranger while held at gunpoint. She was afraid her rapist might kill her. She somehow got away. She bravely went to the police only to be violated further by a justice system that made her feel like trash. She already was known to them for other misadventures. They seemingly dismissed her as not worthy of their time. She did not tell her parents. She was embarrassed and ashamed and did not want to get blamed by them. After all, she already was in trouble with them for smoking pot and for getting kicked out of junior college. Instead of reaching out for help she turned to other street drugs. They helped her forget, to cope. She got an entry-level job. She returned to school and stumbled through somehow or other. But she got tired of dragging herself around. Tic Tock. Time was going by. She was tired of feeling like a looser. She eventually got herself clean through AA. She realized she needed a better job. She needed a life. She had barely been getting through each day. She was worn out. Tired. At 28 years old Jane finally turned to therapy to help her work through her traumatic experience. She heard from a friend that EMDR might help. So she tiptoed in, afraid of what might happen. She shared parts of her story. Slowly, painfully. However, what she wanted to do and what she emotionally was ready to do were two different things. She was fragile. Wounded. She had bought into feelings of not being good enough. She wondered what would come up if she did EMDR. Would she fall apart? Lose her mind? Or something even worse? She was too overwhelmed, too afraid, too impaired by the memories. Although she said she wanted EMDR, in reality, she was afraid to face her trauma. Jane eventually shared she had been raped prior to this one. That rape had been her first sexual experience. She had shared nothing about it with her family. Her family itself was fraught with emotional upheaval: fighting parents, a disconnected older sibling, and pressures for Jane to be a perfect daughter. Jane had more to work on. She had multiple “little t” traumas. “Little” doesn’t mean small, insignificant, it means a “pile-up” of incidents through her life. Jane had been affected by her family dynamics which had fed into her inability to discuss the rape that haunted her. She focused her therapy on getting through many daily events in life. She avoided the very thing that troubled her most. But she faithfully showed up, preparing herself to face the horrific rape she feared would cost her her life. She “dabbled” in EMDR. A little bit here. A little bit there. She made some progress in clearing out some of the old memories. But this one she hung onto. It had been a horrific, scary life-threatening incident. She wanted it gone, but she also avoided it like the plague. Life went on. New situations came up. After all, life goes on. It does not stop for us to clean up our stuff. She took more classes at school. She got a better job. She moved out of her parents’ home. She did this; she did that. All served as reasons why not to revisit this horrible event. Tic Tock; tic tock. Time was running away from her! She finally ran out of excuses. Now 31 years old, Jane agreed to face her trauma, albeit in baby steps. As we slowly, mindfully engaged in the “eye movement” part of EMDR, using tapping. Jane was in disbelief. Nothing bad happened. She did not fall apart. She agreed to continue on with the processing. Cautiously. She still was leery. Of course she was! All those years living in fear of what might happen….. But she kept at it. We paused between sets of tapping. She checked to make sure she was feeling okay. She was. We continued. When we paused to check in, she asked, “Am I just pretending to feel better?” “Good question. We will see.” The session drew to a close. Nothing bad had happened to her. She was shocked she not only had not fallen apart, but she felt somewhat better. But maybe once she was left to process her stuff on her own between sessions, maybe then she might fall apart. So she feared. By the next EMDR session, she reported that indeed “nothing bad had happened.” As a matter of fact, she said she felt calmer, more peaceful. She looked puzzled, but at the same time, her face looked more peaceful. She could not believe her fear of having a devastating emotional reaction “had just sort of gone away.” By the next EMDR session she understood she had in fact worked it through. It took Jane a long time to face her fears. Meanwhile the clock had ticked away. Truth is, no matter how painful a situation, no matter how much we want to work our painful stuff through, we often hang on to the event, and live in dread and fear. We define our lives by that incident. Time goes by. Tic Tock..Tic Tock. When we finally are ready to let go, and not a moment before, we, like Jane, let it go. Learn More About Dr. Kindle Connect with Dr. Kindle

The names have been changed and some of the non-essential events of these stories have been altered a bit to protect the identify of these remarkable persons who faced difficult life-situations. John recently had been sexually violated and wanted to rid himself of the intrusive memories, nightmares, feelings of shame and anger that he now experienced. He, a 6’1” tall sturdy 31year- old straight man, was shocked and horrified that someone could have done this to him. A friend told him about EMDR as an effective therapy for trauma so he sought out my services. John was pretty straightforward. He said he wanted to do EMDR so he could get on with his life. He didn’t have any other life experiences that he dragged along over the years that added pain to his situation. Overall, he was a pretty stable guy. He had a decent job, worked out regularly, was into watching sports of all kinds, and liked to go fishing with friends whenever he could. He had seen a therapist in the past, and felt he cleaned out “a lot of junk” at that time. John was quickly able to jump into the processing part of EMDR (See article EMDR) Three EMDR sessions later he reported his symptoms had gone away. Yes, three sessions! He felt better. His work with EMDR was accomplished and we wrapped up our work together. John’s story is one that people think happen all the time. If only that would be the case! John is representative of a person who seeks out EMDR who is pretty much “baggage free” from life’s challenges. He did not come to therapy with a life-history of other situations he had squashed down. He was not someone who had experienced an innocuous comment way back when that hit him at a time of vulnerability. He had a single incident trauma. This is the kind of trauma that tends to get great results. John is representative of the kind of person who Francine Shapiro, founder of EMDR categorized as having a “T” trauma vs a” t” trauma. Many of us come to therapy with a traumatic situation that happens to us, but is one of many hard situations that have occurred in life. While EMDR may be rapid, such as John’s situation, it is not that way for others. Some come into therapy for a specific reason, but scratch the surface a bit, and a lot of traumatic experiences flow through their lives. They have a little “t” trauma. In this case little t is in reality a big deal. A person’s life is full of traumas. After all, as I always tell my clients, “]The deeper the cut, the longer the healing time.” See Jane’s story. If you are experiencing a single incident trauma, or come with a history of traumatic experiences, please give us a call now. If you are ready to tackle your life, and to make it better, we are here to help.     Learn More About Dr. Kindle Connect with Dr. Kindle