Teens

Identify Your Strengths

Identify Your Strengths

Leave a Comment / Self Esteem, Techniques, Teens /

Identify & Use Your Strengths At LFC we come from a place of strength, not weakness. Together, we build on what you already have going for you – your strengths. True depression, anxiety, panic attacks, trauma, low self-esteem can slow you down, wear you out, block your path, but these emotions are not you. They do not get to define who you are. While we work with you to get those under control, one way you do it is to utilize your own strengths. We build on what you have, not on something you don’t. Below is a sort of Tale of Two Cities. The characters in the story are real. Just names and situations have been changed to protect privacy. Our ideas for our life tend to stem from our environment and exposure to life. Iris, born and bred in NYC, always wanted to become a Rockette. If you don’t know what a Rockette is, simply put, a Rockette is a gorgeous, tall, leggy girl who dances in a chorus line in precision routines with others matching her size and dimensions. Iris was gorgeous, young, enthusiastic. But she was a bit too short and so were her legs. That was disappointing, discouraging, depressing… She could have fixed her hair, if that was the issue, or her boobs, or her face… but not much you can do about growing bones! She had to face the facts: Becoming a Rockette was not going to happen. Iris loved to look gorgeous, to entertain people, to make them happy, to see heads turn as she walked. She had a lot more going for her so why limit her dreams to being a Rockette. Some people would give up right there. Use it as an excuse to be less than…. I think we all know people like that. First, Iris had to acknowledge her disappointment, and then think outside her original dream. Iris was smart, personable, and a hard worker. She decided to find a job that would benefit from and appreciate her skills. Using her strengths, she modeled rather successfully and eventually became a buyer for a major high end department store. Okay, you say, that story is definitely not me. I could care less about that kind of stuff. But her story is and isn’t like you. You might not have the dream Iris had, but what dream have you had? What has stopped you? Money? Time? Your brains? Family obligations? Got it. Those tend to stop many a person in his/her tracks. What can you do to improve your life, to live your best life now? Come from a place of your strengths! Challenge your negative emotions that drag you down and smother your life. You have something to offer this world. You are needed… as you are, and as you can become, regardless of gender, gender identification, age, and all the other obstacles that limit you. Ralph was one such guy. He came from a low socio-economic neighborhood by East L.A. in a run -down part of town. He had not finished high school, nor thought himself capable of doing so. But, unbeknown to him, he had internal strengths. He had a mind of his own. He did not get into a gang. But nevertheless, he lumbered along, feeling life was passing him by. Ralph came to therapy reflecting depression in every step he took. He was sullen; depressed; anxious. He did not believe in himself. At all. Slowly he worked his way through his depression. In spite of his anxiety he dragged himself off to continuation school. He kept at it. Slowly and steadily. Like a mule. And he succeeded. He graduated! He considered this kind of a job and that, and eventually, realizing his love of cars, went to mechanic school. He did more for himself than he ever dreamed possible. And now it is your turn. What are your strengths? Here is a list below that might help you. Go ahead and copy it and then circle your strengths. Be honest. Ask a friend if you need to have another voice. This is not about your weaknesses so do not ask anyone who is into “Yeah, but….” That’s giving with one hand and taking back with the other. We are truth seekers. Not wishful thinkers. Not put-you downers. Truth. Truth is, you have strengths. You can build on them. Get to work now and start your journey…. Your List of Strengths quiz Look through the following list.  Circle the strengths you think you have, even if only a bit.  Add strengths you have that are not on the list in the space below. What are the strengths you have that are not listed? Write in as many as you like.  Stand back and take it in.  These strengths help you move forward to living your best life.    Adventurous Bright Compassionate Courageous Courteous Curious Dedicated Entertaining Efficient Fair-minded Fast learner Funny Generous Giving Hard worker Healthy Honest Humorous Insightful Intelligent Kind Loving Loyal  Optimistic Organized Patient Persevering Respectful Smart Spiritual  Strong Strong-willed Thoughtful Wise Connect with a Therapist

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The Breathing Technique

The Breathing Technique

Leave a Comment / Techniques, Teens /

There are so many breathing techniques. This one in particular caught my eye.* The heading said “Emotion Regulation. Any of us with anxiety and/or trauma certainly know the need to regulate our emotions. But how? This particular breathing technique, with its’ familiar “in through the nose, out through the mouth” breathing instruction, focuses on both the in and the out breath being the same measure. Dr. Van der Kolk explained how the part of our Central Nervous System (CNS) that runs throughout our body, has a part called the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) with its two main parts: Sympathetic and Para-Sympathetic. You likely learned about it in a high school class. Recall it is activated by the Sympathetic part whereas the Para-sympathetic helps us calm down. When we are anxious both parts spring into action … and may get dysregulated. The para-sympathic helps us to get activated when it senses danger. If, for example, a big dog is chasing after you, you need to get moving to a place of safety. You cannot stop and think about it. You need to run. Fast. Now! The parasympathetic nervous system gets activated, and off you go, running for your life. Once the danger has passed, your sympathetic nervous system helps calm you down. As it does,   you may feel shaky, faint, scared yet relieved. Problem is, we often can get overly activated, seeing danger for no real reason at all, but based on our experiences with life we/ you interpret danger when there is none: If you were raised in an abusive, neglectful family, it is easy to understand how you might interpret danger at every turn. (e.g. Your boss calls you into her office to talk to you. You wonder if you are going to be fired. Your heart is beating like crazy and your hands are sweaty and you may feel like your’re going to faint.) Your ANS got overly activated because you sensed danger. However, as you find out, your boss just wanted to ask you to take on an additional task. Yet you feel limp. Drained. Relieved. Anxiety doesn’t develop out of no-where. Your life experiences wired you to sense danger. You don’t deserve to have to live in a world of fear, getting easily triggered, feeling you did something wrong. But first, you need to learn how to calm down! Like anything else in life, anything in moderation is useful but in excess works against you. Recall hearing about “fight/flight/freeze/faint” ? When you breathe in you activate your sympathetic nervous syste   m. When you breathe out, you activate the relaxation response. Too much of anything – including activation of your nervous system, works against you. (Like drinking alcohol; moderation is okay if your body can tolerate it; like food; which you need to survive. But too much works against you. Think alcohol. Think food. Too much of either can get you into trouble. Balance is the issue here. Breathing helps you to regulate yourself. When your inbreath and your outbreath are the same measure, you balance your nervous system. As I say, “even-even makes you even.” How can you be sure your in-breath and out- breath are the same measure? Whereas Dr. Van der Kolk suggests setting your watch, I say, count. If you can breathe in to the count of five or six or whatever number, then breathe out to the same count. Repeat over and over again. Practice, practice, practice….. Like going to the gym, first time you work out, you come out of the gym looking the same as you went in. By the time you have gone regularly you start to see results. Stop going to the gym, and you lose those results. Just ask any of us who sat out the Pandemic! The key to any techniques you may use for any of the issues you experience is repetition. Continued practice with those techniques that work for you. They all work… if you work them, and you stay working them.” *From The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel A. Van der Kolk, M.D.   Learn More About Dr. Kindle Connect with Dr. Kindle

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How to Cope with the Holidays

How to Cope with the Holidays

Leave a Comment / Anxiety, Family, Teens /

The holidays can indeed be a stressful time for many people. With all the shopping, cooking, baking, and family visits, it’s no wonder some people find it difficult to enjoy the season. Americans have come to expect increased stress during this holiday season; however, it is essential to remember the holidays and find ways to cope with the added stress. Here are some ways you can help protect your mental health this holiday season:     Learning and Utilizing Mindfulness and Meditation  Mindfulness and meditation are invaluable tools to help combat stress and center your mind in a busy time. Mindfulness is described as a psychological state of awareness and the associated practices which promote this awareness. Mindfulness can also be referred to as a mode of processing information. Mindfulness is an awareness of one’s experience moment-to-moment without judgment. Many activities, such as yoga, meditation, and breathing, can promote mindfulness. The importance of utilizing mindfulness in any action is to be aware of the experiences and sensations around you; this can help ground you and bring you to a calmer state.    Setting Clear, Firm Boundaries  Another helpful strategy to weather the holidays is setting limitations. While setting limits with loved ones and even ourselves can be challenging, it is critical to our well-being. The limits we develop can be called boundaries because they clearly define what we are willing to do and for how long. Clearly defining these limits can help ensure that we do not overwork ourselves and take care of ourselves. One of the main reasons why the holidays may bring more stress in our lives is the lack of boundaries or boundaries that need to be clearly defined. Boundaries ensure we avoid spending all our time, energy, and money taking care of everyone else and not considering our needs. Boundaries can also provide physical and emotional safety; this is particularly important when adult children come back to their parent’s houses for holidays and seem to settle back into patterns of family behaviors despite being grown and on their own. Social commitments, extra expenses, family gatherings, and all of this, being off your typical schedule or routine is expected during the holidays. Being unable to do it all, particularly during the holidays, contributes to higher levels of stress, guilt, and feelings of depression. Boundaries are an essential form of self-care, and while they may seem complicated and harsh at first, the more they are set, the easier it will be for everyone involved. Boundaries help to decrease conflicts and make misunderstandings less common. Some examples of healthy boundaries are:  Skipping, leaving early, or taking your car to holiday parties. Only saying yes because you want to, not by obligation or urging of others. Ask guests to avoid discussing divisive topics such as religion or politics.  Sticking closely to a budget Communicating needs and expectations Leaving work-related activities such as emails for work time, not during your time off.    Getting More Fresh Air and Sunlight Increasing your exposure to fresh air and sunlight can positively impact your mental and physical well-being. Being outside in nature allows you to take a break from the stressors of daily life and provides you with a calming and peaceful environment. It is no secret that getting out into the fresh air and feeling the sun on your skin can allow for calm and relaxation. In addition, sunlight exposure also helps your body produce vitamin D. Vitamin D is essential for maintaining healthy bones and a robust immune system. This can help combat the effects of stress, which can lower the immune system. Furthermore, spending time in nature has been shown to improve mood, reduce anxiety, and boost happiness and well-being.   Seeking out Therapy  Seeking therapy can be helpful for individuals struggling with holiday stress. Therapy can be beneficial when experiencing holiday stress and in the time leading up to the holidays. It can provide a safe space to express emotions, offer coping strategies, help set boundaries, provide support, and address underlying issues. Therapy can help clients cope during the holidays by: Providing a safe space for individuals to express their emotions. The holidays tend to bring a lot of emotions, and it can be difficult to express these emotions appropriately. For many, the holidays bring attention to grief or loss, increasing the severity of emotions experienced. Therapy offers a safe and confidential space where clients can share their feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. Offering coping strategies: Therapists can provide their clients with coping strategies and tools to help manage varying levels of stress, anxiety, and depression that may surface during the holidays. Help setting boundaries: Therapists can help clients identify and set healthy boundaries with family members, friends, and colleagues. Setting boundaries can often be difficult, and emotions may come along with setting boundaries, especially with those we love and care for; therapists can help process these feelings and support you through the boundary-setting process. Providing support: The holidays can be a lonely time for some people. Therapy can offer clients emotional support and a sense of connection during what may be a difficult time to navigate. Addressing underlying issues: The holidays can be a trigger for individuals struggling with underlying mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. Therapy can help clients address these issues head-on and develop a plan to manage them during the holidays.  While the holidays can be a challenging time for many people, the strategies discussed can be utilized to help manage stress and protect mental health. Mindfulness, boundaries, fresh air, sunlight, and therapy are all practical tools that can help alleviate stress and promote a sense of well-being during the holiday season. By taking the time to implement these strategies and seek support when needed, navigating the holiday season can be done with greater ease and allow you to enjoy the season to the fullest. Remember to take care of yourself this holiday season! Learn More About Jessica Connect with Jessica

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Nurturing Resilience A Therapist's Perspective on Raising Daughters to Embrace Disapproval

Nurturing Resilience: A Therapist’s Perspective on Raising Daughters to Embrace Disapproval

Leave a Comment / Anxiety, Family, Teens /

As a mental health therapist, I’ve had the privilege of guiding individuals through the complex journey of self-discovery and emotional healing. One recurring theme that emerges, particularly among young women, is the struggle to navigate societal pressures and the fear of not being liked by others. Eleanor Roosevelt’s poignant advice to “raise daughters to be okay with people not liking them” resonates deeply within the realm of mental health, highlighting the importance of fostering resilience in the face of disapproval.   In therapy sessions with adolescent girls and young women, I often witness the profound impact of societal expectations on their self-esteem and sense of worth. From a young age, girls are bombarded with messages dictating how they should look, act, and behave to be accepted by their peers and society at large. The fear of not meeting these unrealistic standards can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and depression.   By incorporating Eleanor Roosevelt’s wisdom into therapeutic interventions, I strive to empower my clients to embrace their authentic selves and cultivate resilience in the face of judgment and rejection. Together, we explore the concept of self-worth and challenge the notion that it is contingent upon external validation. Through introspection and self-reflection, my clients learn to recognize their inherent value and worthiness, independent of others’ opinions.   One of the most powerful tools in nurturing resilience is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to low self-esteem and fear of disapproval. Through CBT techniques such as cognitive restructuring, my clients learn to reframe their thoughts and beliefs about themselves, recognizing that their worth is not determined by the opinions of others.   Mindfulness practices also play a crucial role in building resilience by helping individuals develop a non-judgmental awareness of their thoughts and emotions. By cultivating mindfulness skills, my clients learn to observe their inner experiences without attaching undue importance to external validation. This newfound sense of inner peace and acceptance enables them to navigate social interactions with greater confidence and authenticity.   With two daughters of my own, I am very aware of the role that the home environment plays in their foundation, which is why I try to be very open and communicative with my client’s parents and caregivers. The goal is for parents to create a supportive environment at home that fosters resilience in their daughters. Together, we explore strategies for promoting open communication, fostering self-expression, and validating their daughters’ emotions and experiences. By nurturing a strong sense of belonging and acceptance within the family unit, we provide a solid foundation from which daughters can venture forth into the world with resilience and confidence.   Eleanor Roosevelt’s timeless advice serves as a guiding light in both my work and in my home, reminding me of the importance of nurturing resilience in young women. By teaching our daughters to be okay with people not liking them, we equip them with the tools to navigate life’s challenges with courage, grace, and authenticity. Through therapy, mindfulness, and supportive relationships, we empower them to embrace their true selves and flourish, regardless of others’ opinions.   Learn More ABout Colleen Connect with Colleen

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Helping your teen through the pandemic

Helping Your Teen Through the Pandemic

Leave a Comment / Anxiety, Teens, Trauma /

Being a teen in ordinary times comes with its fair share of stressors, insecurities and uncertainties. Then, you throw in a global pandemic, and  life for a teen can become very complicated.  All that they have known and relied upon has shifted and they may be left feeling, anxious, fearful or depressed. “The Impact of the Covid-19 Pandemic on Adolescents”. “One thing that is really important for adults to remember is to allow their kids to grieve over their losses…their grief over what they are experiencing- or not getting to experience is real and parents need to give them time to process it” (Marshall, 2020). If you are the parent/friend/guardian of a teen and recognize signs of new or unusual distress, there are ways you can help. Talk to them This sounds obvious, but sometimes with the rush of daily life and our own lists of issues, we may forget to sit down and really get in touch with what is going on in their lives. Ask them questions. How are you feeling about virtual school? Are you keeping in touch with your friends? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by what is going on in the world? You may be surprised with their answers and observations. Getting them to voice their feelings can help. Encourage their expression. Validate their Feelings What your teen is feeling is legitimate and sometimes they just want to be heard and understood. Acknowledge  what they are feeling/experiencing and reassure them that it is okay to feel afraid, sad, angry or anxious. They are missing out on many life experiences and they feel that loss very deeply. Positive Screen Time Due to the pandemic, most kids right now are spending hours and hours a day on Zoom, staring at their computers while “in school”. A break from their screens is important. Teens use their devices to connect socially with their friends, to do homework, and to contact teachers, so completely walking away from their devices is almost impossible right now. The right type of screen time is what’s important. Scrolling mindlessly through social media is not as beneficial as connecting with friends on social media. Be Alert for any major changes in behavior If you feel that your teen’s behavior just isn’t right, it may be a good idea to reach out to a mental health care provider. Your teen may benefit from talking to a professional and learning to develop methods for navigating this difficult time. At Life Focus Center, we are here to help. Learn More About Colleen COnnect with Colleen

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Adolescence isn't easy

Adolescence Isn’t Easy

Leave a Comment / Anxiety, Depression, Family, Teens /

By Colleen Ohlman The World Health Organization (WHO) defines an adolescent as any person between the ages of 10 and 19. Adolescence is referred to as the period of transition between childhood and adulthood. If you are the parent of an adolescent, you may have already recognized some major changes going on with your child. Most of these changes are normal and a natural part of this transition from child to adult. However, there are some changes in behavior/thinking that might be a cause for concern and may need to be addressed. So how do you know if your child is experiencing “normal” symptoms or something more concerning? You know your child and if something just isn’t right, listen to your intuition. Chances are it may be right. If your child is grumpy, hormonal, moody or testing boundaries with you- that is probably normal. I have three teen children of my own and the power struggle is real! 🙂 However, if your child is showing signs of withdrawing, self-isolating, or major changes in behavior, sleeping or eating patterns, you should begin to pay extra attention to what’s going on and try to talk to them. Adolescents are experiencing what I refer to as a limbo period. Not a child, but not yet an adult. This can be an incredibly frustrating time of life for a person. They want to begin to express new ideas, thoughts and experiences but often won’t be taken seriously as they are “just a kid”. They are finding themselves, exploring their sexual identities, and making their way in a new social realm, all while their bodies are being flooded with hormones. This is not easy. As a youth specialist, I work primarily with adolescents and I can’t tell you how often I hear the phrase, “My parents don’t understand me”. They feel their thoughts and feelings are not validated. They feel misunderstood. They feel alone. These feelings can lead to distress. Try talking more openly to your child. Dig into those topics that are normally not discussed. They may think it’s “awkward” (a word I hear often) but it gets less uncomfortable the more you keep that dialogue going. Don’t just talk, listen. Be an active listener to your child. Let them know that you care about how they feel. Don’t assume they know as much. If he/she isn’t comfortable opening up to you and your gut is telling you that something isn’t right, it’s okay to reach out on their behalf. Be your child’s advocate. We are not less of a parent because our children prefer to talk to an objective person. It makes us better parents for getting them the help they need and deserve. I’m here to help if you feel your adolescent can benefit from talking to someone. I’m also here if you, as a parent, would like to discuss how to better navigate the world of parenting. Anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, life changes, fears, social interaction struggles, parenting skills, self-harm, eating issues, or suicidal ideation. Please call Life Focus Center and ask for Colleen 626-330-7990

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